turning pain into poems (i)

My mother should have had an abortion,

I whisper these words to myself

In the mirror.

Cruelty manifested from what I was taught,

Wrists cut,

Trust lost,

A lack of self belief,

An overdose of self loathing.

Bash your head against the wall

I whisper to myself at night.

Tears running down my face,

Into my ears,

A sharp ringing sound

Not a single loved one around.

Hurting myself more than others hurt me,

I put myself down

by saying things to myself

I never would to another.

Fits and tremors,

Feelings so strong,

I have a hard time convincing myself they could be wrong.